There comes a time when a man needs a tactical boonie. You may not know it now, but one day that time will be upon you.
Tiger stripe is, of course, the preferred option—the unofficial camouflage of Vietnam-era Special Forces. Do not hesitate. Own yours now.
Upon placing it on my head, I was immediately afforded a kind of confused respect from my fellow New York City inhabitants. I can see in their eyes a twinge of envy—nay, wonder—as I make my way along the wild city blocks, pushing my three-year-old son in his pram.
There is now a clear distinction between us. While other parents and pedestrians shuffle along with their naked heads exposed to the elements, I adorn my crown with the superior ability to blend seamlessly into any available foliage.
Am I expecting an imminent requirement for jungle concealment in lower Manhattan? No.
Am I prepared for one?
Absolutely.
Always ready. Always faithful.
By sea. By land.